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Hello “Church”,

Our father below was meant to be on a spiritual retreat till the November elections but he decided to stay away for a while longer.

And it is all thanks to you!

There’s enough accusation going around for the Great Accuser to take a break from accusing. Satan was not expecting so much support from you, but he is grateful (and that never happens).

I wish to warn you that we still hate you. And we can imagine you still hate us.

However, we’re scratching our heads down here, trying to figure out where was it that you all decided to help us so vehemently? We’re ok not knowing the details, but just in case you need to reach us again… here is some useful information:

1. All calls to hell will be taken by (the current Vice President of Operations) the Political Spirit. The Father of Lies is so very proud of his work these past two years.

Very proud.

2. All prayers for your policies and agendas to be passed, will be taken by the Spirit of Deception (between the hours of 6:66am and 6:66pm – Deep Down Standard Time).

3. Any judgments against the people who think “wrong” will be handled and delivered by the Religious Spirit (after he’s done making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, for thinking “right”).

4. Master Luci will not be answering his emails or texts, but he promises to still monitor (and celebrate) your petty arguments on Facebook.

Honestly patients, we are all enjoying what you’re feeding us! There is nothing tastier than seeing Christians killing one another instead of dying for one another.

#HappyTears

Again, the Lord Of The Flies wants to remind you all to keep accusing, condemning and feeling superior… so he can have more free time to develop the next strategy on how to keep you all from following the teachings of Jesus (while being distracted with things Jesus never talked about).

To finalize, Demon Pride is next to me right now and is encouraging me to repost something I wrote back in the 1942 (since it’s been going viral on Facebook all month).

My Dear Wormwood,

Be sure that the patient remains completely fixated on politics. Arguments, political gossip, and obsessing on the faults of people they have never met serves as an excellent distraction from advancing in personal virtue, character, and the things the patient can control. Make sure to keep the patient in a constant state of angst, frustration and general disdain towards the rest of the human race in order to avoid any kind of charity or inner peace from further developing. Ensure that the patient continues to believe that the problem is “out there” in the “broken system” rather than recognizing there is a problem with himself.

Keep up the good work,

Uncle Screwtape

The excerpt above was not on the original CS Lewis material… but it’s been going wild on the internet so Demon Deception told me to take credit for it.

Yes, I am awesome.

And you… are most certainly not.

Please don’t read John 17.

Please keep debating.

Please keep sharing your opinions as facts, your ideas as revelation and your ideology as Scripture.

Thank you for your undivided attention.

Stay nasty and judgy.

Yours truly,

Screwtape 

 

PS. Buy my book you infidels! – The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis.