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If you are what you eat, then I am a Deep Fried Conjunction from Heaven. Yesterday my wife and I attended the glorious North Carolina State Fair. We wanted to celebrate our 10 year anniversary by acting like 10 year olds for a couple of hours. And before going on any ride, the very first thing I did was eat a Twinx. Yes, a Twinx. That’s when you wrap bacon around a chocolate Twix bar and then you deep-fry it inside a Twinkie (and sprinkle a pound of sugar powder on top).

My friend and local connoisseur Adam Walton told me about it. 3 Hours later I was eating it. 24 hours later, I’m still digesting it. That’s because the Twinx weighs in at just under 1,000 calories. That caloric intake would require roughly 90 minutes of running, two hours of swimming, or more than three hours of Zumba class to burn off. I have done none of those today (I have done none of those in the last 3 years!) So the Twinx is slowly but surely, becoming part of me. Forever.

I bought it so I could brag about it. My aim was the photo and the story. And I was not expecting to enjoy it. But what a sweet, sweet, oh so sweet surprise it was. My Twinx was absolutely delicious! Worth every second of life lost. Worth the risk of cardiac arrest. Worth the loss of my wife’s respect.

It tasted exactly like a Twix wrapped in bacon deep-fried in a Twinkie. I love all 3. I love fried food. I love myself for eating the Twinx. And honestly, the hardest part was not getting another one. 

Yes, I am drinking a Nutri-Bullet drink every day. Yes, Go Local Produce is helping me eat better. Yes I’m trying to drink 2% milk as oppose to full-fat goodness. But there are times in life, when you just have to take the bull by the horns and eat 1,000 calories in 5 bites. So, I’m reminded of the words of the Apostle Paul,

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. Eat whatever is sold in the meat market without raising any question on the ground of conscience. For “the earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof.”  1 Corinthians 10:23-26

Twinx is lawful so I ate it. It was good for my neighbour (the vendor) so I ate it. It was sold in the market, I raised no questions, I had no conscience, so I ate it. The earth is the Lord’s (Raleigh is included) and the fullness thereof, so I ate it. And I have to admit, it felt righteous to do it. I could feel the Grace of the Almighty all over me as I indulged in this borderline sin. And now I am convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that God is good, and bacon literally goes with anything.

We went on crazy rides, twisting and turning, and my stomach felt great. We smelt the aroma of pig and cow manure mixed with pumpkins and cooked turkey legs, and my stomach felt great. We even got the flu shot done on our way out (yes that actually happened) (at the State fair) and my stomach felt great!

Tomorrow we are taking the boys to the fair. You know I’m getting another Twinx. So my body will be due 180 minutes of running, 4 hours of swimming and 6 hours of Zumba class. So by the time next year’s fair comes along, I hope to catch up.

Thank you Jesus for the South. Ya’ll are amazing!

Hugs,

Twinx Lover Man

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