This list is for you ladies. I’m compelled to give you insight. We men are dumb creatures (No insight there), but somehow we are convinced we are superior. The lie gets enhanced when we become husbands. In marriage, we unintentionally accumulate examples of how much smarter we are and how much more we can achieve. I’d like to give you 7 reasons why we believe this lie.
They might sound comical to you, but my 10 years of marriage confirms, that to the average man, these thoughts are actually very serious. I have done intensive research (while having a brew and watching a game) accumulating data from my male friends. They really are so dumb. And here are my findings.
The 7 Legitimate Reasons Why Husbands Think They Are Better Than Their Wives:
1. Because when husbands drive, no one dies. Ok. Ok. My wife is a better driver than me. Her record is impeccable. No crashes. No tickets. On honeymoon, she taught me how to drive stick-shift. But somehow, and for some bizarre reason, when she’s driving, my butt is clenched to the max and my nerves are on war patrol. I try really hard to keep quiet. To control my jerk reactions. But it leaks out of me.
98.7% of husbands do the same. We need to bring that percentage down fast. For the sake of marriages (and pedestrians) everywhere!
2. Because husbands retain technological processes better than their wives. It might have something to do with the fact that we spend almost every waking moment looking at our TVs, SmartPhones, PlayStations, Tablets, Computers or Electrical Shavers. And while we invest precious time in our precious technology, you wives focus on archaic things like friends, family, talking, doing the laundry and taking care of the children. Forgive us for the many times we have complained about it. With a smile on our faces we will explain how to download an update. Or send an attachment. Or show you how to select the correct input. (Or you can Google the answers)
3. Because if we stayed home with the kids all day, we would achieve so much more. (But please don’t make us do it because they might die!) – Don’t ask me why, but we husbands believe that we could wash the dishes, teach the kids Italian, do arts and crafts and prepare a gourmet diner if we had the same time you had at home. But it takes me one single afternoon, alone with the boys, to realise that I am the most incompetent person ever, and my wife, the most patient and amazing. She comes back after having her well deserved 3rd day off in 2014 and I praise her to the max. Then, I make a commitment with God to help her more. Yet somehow, 48 hours later, like a re-programming from hell, I forget. And I begin to expect the impossible again.
With an Italian Accent (and shaking my right hand) “More Effort Por Favore!”
4. Because we’re not ruled by our emotions which really means we suck at expressing them. Us husbands have an internal voice constantly saying: “Get over it!” We hear it for ourselves All. Day. Long. We can’t contain it sometimes. We try really hard not to do that to you. Because in the past we have paid a high price for not listening. For always trying to fix “it” (You) And for actually saying those three words, “Get over it.” (I told you we are dumb creatures) It takes us a looooong time to learn. The best we can do is nod our heads as you talk, trying our hardest not to look at our phones. That’s us being super awesome. Take it or leave it! And if you start crying and you notice us getting anxious, please be patient. One day we will learn how to be your BFF and support you unconditionally. One day.
5. Because Jesus was a boy. And husbands are boys. And Jesus is the supreme being. The King and Lord. So I guess we can borrow His title for a bit? (At least inside the house? Pretty Please. We promise not to tell.) History, media and society tell us about the great men of the past. About warriors and kings and soldiers and statesmen. Manly dudes who changed the world and left great material for Hollywood movies. We want to be like them! We really do. So we husbands try the methods they used. We try to be all macho and sweaty and dominant. But we know that the world has changed, and it’s changed for the better! The ladies are taking their rightful place in church, politics and even Mixed-Martial-Arts. So you go girls! And forgive us when we forget it’s 2014 and act like it’s 1935 (or 20 b.c.) Our husband-brains will catch up soon enough. Hopefully.
6. Because we’re capable of making decisions by ourselves. And half the time we forget to tell you. So we try and convince you that we’re making the decision together. Even though the decision has already been made. We are master manipulators. But 9 times out of 10 we get caught. Then we feel attacked. So we have to retaliate. Then we start an argument about how unsupportive you are. Making you feel guilty enough so you support the decision you never wanted in the first place. I guess Lucifer was also a “boy.” #evil
7. Because we are soo capable with money. But we don’t want to tell you that we’re broke, again. Somehow we husbands are convinced that the best strategy is having no strategy. Just hoping things get sorted by themselves. We reserve as much information from you as possible so you “don’t worry about it”. But really, all we are trying to do, is hide our ineptitude. Because we really care about what you think. We really want to prove our worth. You are the queen of the house and we want to impress Your Highness. But we end up hiding information, manoeuvring to recover and then, when we have nowhere to go, we blame you for what happened.
Sorry. We need help (We just hate asking for it)
So, on behalf of husbands everywhere, we apologise for being so condescending. For the times we look down on you and for the instances when we speak to you with the same voice we use to talk to toddlers. We are clearly misguided and we pray to God that we see the light. It’s a Biblical fact that both men and women are created in God’s image. The husbands were the draft. You wives are the masterpiece.
I don’t want either of us in my marriage wearing the pants (any pants whatsoever). Because after 10 years of glorious marriage I realise that I’m not better than my wife, I’m better because of her.
It’s time to fully share the joy of parenting, friendship and responsibility in equal parts with each other. However that looks for you as a couple, if you both feel honoured, it’s the right way to go.
*For those of you wanting to go the extra mile with your spouse, we HIGHLY recommend: Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries
What do you think ladies? Are you able to have mercy on us morons? Comment Below.
Read More: 7 Principles for making marriage work