I know it’s a ridiculous statement. But there are so many facts that prove it and I am compelled to explore them here with you. Notice that the name Jesus on the title was not written with an accent on the “u”. Yes, there are a number of Latino men named Jesús – heyzus (you probably know one or two or 37 of them). But I’m talking about The Eternal Saviour of the world, King of kings and Lord of lords, my all-time favorite, the Jesus of the Bible (the one you would pronounce without the accent on the “u”). First name Yeshua, second name Messiah.
There are zero Bible verses to prove my theory. And at the same time there are 9 verses that PERFECTLY prove my theory. So find a Bible and let me blow your minds:
1. John 2 1-11: When a party was about to finish, Jesus made it longer. (And not only longer, but better) (much, much better). He turned water into wine. His first miracle ever. Point taken. (Every party needs a Latino)
2. Mark 6:3: His father was a carpenter, and so was He. I’m not trying to generalise, but we Latinos make good carpenters. My grandfather was a carpenter and I’m proud of that. We like being creative with our hands. We like making stuff look pretty. Jesus only makes pretty things. (Especialmente latinos) (And the Brits)
3. Mark 11:12-14: Jesus cursed things when He was hungry. Welcome to my life. My moods are ruled by my stomach. And I know this verse has way more theological significance, but the facts are clear: He was hungry, He got no food, Death to the tree!
(Have you noticed that Latin nations don’t go to war? Our fight is against boredom and hunger.) (We dance and we eat rice and beans)
4. Matthew 8:24: Jesus slept through a storm. That kind of resistance can only be built when you take a nap every single day. And those are properly called Siestas. We Latinos have been mastering the art for hundreds of years. And it is obvious we got the skills directly from the Master. (2pm to 4pm, on a hammock, every day)
5. Luke 2:50-52: His mom embarrassed Him in public. When Jesus was 12 years old He was lost for 3 days. He knew He was sent by God to preach so He decided to stay in Jerusalem and do His assignment. But Mama spent 3 days looking for Him. Then Mama found Him in the temple. And then, Mama was “astonished” – greek word ekplḗssō, properly, “struck out of one’s senses.” Sooo, in that state of mind and emotions she said, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you!” – Yep. She was latin too. So Jesus went back home to Nazareth and was obedient to them. (Gloria)
6. John 2:13-16: Jesus was comfortable with anger and speaking with His hands. He never wrote a letter or sent a memo. He preferred expressive words and the assistance of His full body for communication. He touched lepers when no one else would. He scribbled on the floor to defend an adulterous woman. He made a whip, turned the tables and spilled the coins of the money-changers in the temple. (If I would have been there I would have been like, “Donde está el baño?”)
7. Matthew 14:13-21: It was all about food. The passover celebration. The bread and wine for communion. Multiplying loaves and fish. Comparing Himself to food items, on multiple occasions. I know He had 40 days of fasting once, but that was once. In every other instance, if Jesus was not walking, He was eating – and feeding others! (Latino Love Language)
8. Luke 8:2-3: He was comfortable with strong women. Ladies paying the bills. Women who made His ministry possible. When you’re a Latino, you just have to be. And it’s glorious. (I have 5 sisters, I know)
9. Mark 14:34-36: Jesus was real with His emotions. He was on a mountain. He knew that the next day would bring His crucifixion. So He invites 3 friends to join Him for prayer. He tells them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death!” And then, He collapses on the floor. He hides nothing. He’s not embarrassed about His feelings. He is fully expressing what He feels with no fear of being rejected for it. (Which is my favorite thing about being a latino).
I’m a happy latino. I was born and raised in Puerto Rico. A glorious island in the Caribbean that has both a proud latin heritage and economic/governmental ties to the US of A. To Latinos I am a US-citizen, to most US citizens I am a Mexican. So yes, I’m pretty sure Jesus Christ was Latino, maybe even Puertorican. From heaven but born of earth. A brown man rejected by His people. With a really long name. To some a prophet, to others a madman. He kind of belonged, but He kind of didn’t.
And that’s why I write this list. For all of us who feel out-of-place, outcasts of sorts; Jesus knows the feeling and He wants to share our story. Every culture could claim Jesus as their own and I guess that was the point. To make His Kingdom available to every tribe and every tongue (that all would confess that Jesucristo es el Señor, para gloria de Dios Padre.)
I know He’s not really latino. But He loves me like one. And that is really good news.
How is Jesus like you? Irish? Australian? New Yorker? White as Snow? Share your theories in the comment section below.