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This past year, my life turned into a bad Nicholas Sparks movie.

#Single #Shocked #Brokenhearted

And if you’re in the middle of the disappointment and confusion of getting dumped (but you’re ready to move forward) then come and learn from my pain.

Here are 4 steps for healing and progress:

Step one: Admitting You Have A Broken Heart.

It’s funny how cliché it is to think ‘that would never happen to me.’ And I was the type that would think that all the time. Some of us are scared of love. Some of us are hopeless romantics. I probably fell under the ‘hopeless romantic yet hopelessly independent’ category. I wasn’t a damsel in distress waiting her prince, but rather a queen of the castle who was reigning successfully until her king came along… still a queen even if he never came along.

As someone in that category, I never imagined in a million years that love would make its way into my life, and then leave my life so abruptly. I found myself turning into the hopeless romantic that turned everything into something cheesy because I was in a ‘shout it from the rooftops’ type of love. In fact I often thought ‘wow, how did this happen to me! I actually found my person! God you are so good!’ At one point I looked back at those thoughts and I would feel humiliated in my naivety. But as time has gone by I’ve realized there is nothing humiliating about being in crazy love, and believing in gods goodness in our lives. I’ve chosen to be vulnerable and share this because the broken heart is probably the least understood form of pain out there. I used to look at people who claimed to be broken-hearted and I’d be like ‘get a grip.’ Or ‘clearly he/she wasn’t right for you if that’s how it ended up!’ Now talk about extreme ignorance. I wore it like a coat. The painful truth is, we can be totally in love, head over heels, and it can still end in sudden, unexpected heartbreak. And for me, it did. I walked through the past year choosing that I was going to embrace every single emotion I felt, and embrace the process of allowing God to heal me. The old me would have embraced parts of it, but still remained in control and the safety of independence.

I find myself almost a year later with one heck of a heart journey behind me. My skin is crawling with vulnerability anxiety (vulnerability anxiety: when you’re cringing because you feel like you’re reading your journal to a bunch of strangers and you feel kinda nauseous about it but you know vulnerability is from God and it’s 2016 and you promised Him you’d work on it) as I type this, but I know it’s worth being spoken about. From a broken heart, to a mended heart, I’ve experienced all of the human emotions that come with an unexpected PLOT TWIST.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Step 2: Perspective 

The thing about a broken heart, is that when staring at all the pieces of your hopes and dreams shattered on the floor, you have two options:

Justice: There’s a few different scenarios here…How could the love of your life do this to you? I should contact Ellen Degeneres because the world needs to know that love is a dangerous thing and you CANT TRUST ANYONE. / what did I miss? Is it me? /no don’t be ridiculous, I’m amazing. What a dweeb. Why would you let ME go?/ omg. It’s me isn’t it? I’m TOO amazing, I came on too strong. I came in like a wrecking ball! / GOD HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?! / ok but it’s not God because. Free will. / IM GOING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW. IT WORKED OUT IN THE NOTEBOOK, IT CAN WORK OUT HERE / I will NOT go chasing after someone who CLEARLY doesn’t know what they have missed!

Yeah. Those of you who know, know exactly what I’m talking about.

Embrace: Well this sucks. God, this hurts. This straight up is the worst thing I’ve ever been through. If this was an ice cream flavour it would be ‘don’t buy me cause I taste like crap and I leave a terrible taste in your mouth.’ I NEED you God. I am literally a wreck without you. I don’t get this at all, but I trust you God. God I trust you. I want what you want for my life. Help me God. Help me know you as comforter. You see my tears, you see my pain. I can’t do this without you. I thought this was right but God show me if I’m wrong. Show me God if I need to let go.

Yeah. Ouch. Both options are hard and both options have their moments in each day. But here’s the thing: option one has no hope. There’s no light at the end of the justice tunnel. There’s nothing powerful about dwelling on a circumstance. On the other hand, Hope can’t help but takeover when you dwell on God. Will you let your circumstance change how you see God? Or will you let how you see God change how you see your circumstance?

The same God that gives our ex free will, is also the God of peace. He is our comforter. He is our wonderful counsellor. He is the God of restoration. Of healing broken hearts. He’s the God that won’t leave us or forsake us. He’s the Father that has a HOPE and a FUTURE PLAN. I can’t tell you how crucial it is for us to place our broken hearts in God’s hands.

When I look back at the past year, my relationship with God has deepened and been more intimate than I’ve ever experienced in my previous 22 years. And it’s such an easy explanation when I look back at that. When we call out to Him, he responds. When we give Him control, he actually takes the wheel. God responds to the cries of his kids. Now, I’m not at the point where I would say ‘if I had to do it all over again, I would!’ No. no thank you. I’ll pass. However, I have never before actually experienced the knowledge of ‘God works out all things for good for those who love him.’ It’s like one of those classic christian things we throw at someone when we see them go through something hard. But I actually felt it. I felt God take my lemons and make a delicious lemonade. I felt his faithfulness take over. He was the prepared one who had all the equipment necessary for battle. I was the one that showed up in cardboard armour and he graciously said ‘you stay here and I’ll fight.’ The bible says ‘God is close to the broken-hearted.’ And i experienced that this year.

Step 3: Community

It’s incredible to have the friends that have truly been through it and can hold you and say ‘I’m so sorry, I know how you feel…Here’s a beer and some chicken wings.’ (I’m not your average ice cream and chocolate kind of girl.) but more often than not we have those well-meaning-yet-never-say-the-right-thing type of reactions. The ‘God has the perfect person for you.’ Or the ‘well you must have missed the signs somehow’. Either way, you know who your people are. And if you don’t, ask God to bring them to you. The friends who will sit and cry with you, who will let you process through all the muck in your heart, even if it’s 6 months later, even if its ‘old news’, they know it’s not old news to you. We need friends who will lift us up and remind us who we are, and most importantly, push us into the healing arms of the Father. Invite people into your journey, and watch how much easier it gets when you don’t stand on your own.

Step 4: Hope For The Future

Now, I wouldn’t say I’m on the other side of it just yet, but I’m in the process and that’s good enough for me. I don’t have answers, but I have peace. I don’t have understanding, but I have the understanding that God is working on my behalf to turn this around in my life. It’s easy to look at my situation and feel scared to fall in love again. But the reality is, God designed us for relationship with each other, and he does have the person for us that will make all of this heartbreak seem like a distant memory. I don’t see it yet, but I trust God that I will get there. And the thing I’ve realized is that one day I will be there. One day I will be married, with a beautiful family whom I adore. So what am I going to do in the meantime? Worry about when? Or how? Or will I steward this time that has been made available to me. Do I have the guts to chase my other dreams? Will I use this time to deepen my connection with God and with myself? Yes I will. Even if I still cry about it, even if the sting of being single gets me sometimes. There will be redemption in this story, and you have to let yourself believe that. And not only believe it, but hope for it. With a naive, shout-it-from-the-rooftops kind of hope.

After all, every Nicholas Sparks movie has a happy ending, even if it looks different from the plot we predicted.

But who wants a predictable movie anyways? 

#Hope #ImAwesome #TrustGod

 

* Click here to read more on Dealing with Pain and the steps to overcome.