A good friend sent me this write-up in response to an article called, “Should Christians Drink Alcohol?” (Now titled: Jesus The Wine Drinker).
I applaud her candor and her willingness to continue the conversation. God knows every single one of my blog posts are an incomplete revelation; just one side of a story that has many.
So enjoy her perspective, and join the conversation below.
I was going through the worst relapse of my life.
I had just lost my dream job, my husband was ready to get a divorce and I couldn’t stop drinking.
I opened my lap top to find the blog post – Should Christians Drink wine – or some title like that. It was about the joys of drinking. Why Jesus drank and why we can too. The blog post was written by my pastor. Someone who I listened to on a weekly basis, who I trusted and who I then in that moment felt betrayed by. After the post circulated a bit comments and praise of the habits of drinking Christians dug the hurt even deeper. Not only was I upset with Carlos but my whole community. I sat down with my bottle of wine and wrote the angriest, meanest e-mail I feel like I’ve ever written.
Thankfully I never sent it.
The day after I was shipped to rehab for the third time. The whole 28 days I was there, I complained about my church friends. This whole thing was their fault. They didn’t support me; they didn’t care that I was struggling. They were so interested in themselves and not those in addiction. The month away helped short-term, but the anger and sadness inside wouldn’t let up and carried for months.
After that blog post and my friends support of the post I had one more finger to point at everyone else. Every time I had hurt and wanted to run to the bottle I blamed them. That whole year I felt cold and confused.
My husband and I didn’t feel like we had community.
We didn’t feel like we could trust anyone.
We were stuck.
And I wasn’t getting any better and went to rehab two more times in the course of that year.
One night while I was drinking I texted Carlos. I told him I was going to write a rebuttal to the blog post. He told me to go for it. So I started to go over it in my head.
I was totally in revenge mode!
I would show them how they made me feel! How they were in the wrong! How it was their fault that I couldn’t come out of this addiction.
But the Holy Spirit wasn’t having it. Every time I’d sit down to write I stopped after the first sentence.
One morning I was getting ready for work, going over the possible blog post in my head, when God spoke right to me and said,
“Why do you keep blaming everyone else?”
It hit my heart.
My mind went blank of all the clutter of blame and finger-pointing.
My heart sank and I knew: this is my responsibility. I choose to drink when I’m hurt. I choose to numb my pain. They don’t make those decisions.
I immediately forgave my church friends and Happy Sonship blog.
Then, in came a flood of images of my friends at church helping me along the way. Telling me there might be alcohol at a party and to maybe stay back. Calling me and letting me know they wouldn’t serve wine at their dinner because they knew it might make me stumble. Supporting and praying for my husband and I the whole time.
My heart turned. God wasn’t angry or mean. His love was honest.
My journey is still hard. I still find myself craving a cold beer or mojito whenever I’m sad or happy. Ten years of addiction is hard to shake. But the freedom I received from forgiving my peers and accepting the responsibility forever changed the way I react and handle my addiction.
I’m thankful for that dang blog post that started this fire.
Trust me, the last thing I want is for freedom to become a stumbling block. This is why (as family) we need to continue to be open and honest about where we are at, and what we are feeling. Her blog helped me to be more aware of the price of love and community… It’s a battle worth fighting for.
So to anyone who has stumble because of a Happy Sonship post: “I honestly repent. Please forgive me.”
I also ask the Holy Spirit to help me choose others above myself.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Col. 3:12
+ What are your thoughts? Share with us in the comment section below.